I started my day the usual way of opening my hotel room door and being showered on by 6-9 hooker cards placed the night before. I would like to believe it’s an old Chinese blessing that means ‘have an slutastic day’. But I might be wishing for too much.
I took off on the subway toward my center called ‘Joy City’. Walking onto the subway this morning was like being Sky status on a flight back to Atlanta on a Thursday afternoon, but no one wears deodorant. A fuck ton of people.
Once I got to my center, here are the things I learned.
1. I learned I would be teaching a Mommy and Me class.
Basically it’s a bunch of chinese babies that speak no english but go ape shit (haha) for the 5 Little Monkeys song. Did I mention none of the moms know english? Fun.
2. I learned there are only squat toilets in my center.
In case some people are confused what a squat toilet looks like:
Urine is everywhere.
3. I learned some kids speak english better than me.
I’m going to be teaching what’s called a G2 class and you can’t imagine how conversational they are at the age of 10 and under. There is a five year old in the class that speaks in full sentences. A FIVE YEAR OLD.
4. You will 100% not believe what the other teachers told me. My mouth dropped, I demanded to know if they were fucking with me.
I GET TO GIVE THE KIDS THEIR ENGLISH NAMES.
WHAT THE FUCK. I’m fluctuating between giving them Atlanta-esque names like Ludacris or giving them pretty American names like Tessa. Help.
Oh and I found an apartment.