4 things i learned my first day on the job.

I started my day the usual way of opening my hotel room door and being showered on by 6-9 hooker cards placed the night before.  I would like to believe it’s an old Chinese blessing that means ‘have an slutastic day’.  But I might be wishing for too much.

I took off on the subway toward my center called ‘Joy City’.  Walking onto the subway this morning was like being Sky status on a flight back to Atlanta on a Thursday afternoon, but no one wears deodorant.  A fuck ton of people.

Once I got to my center, here are the things I learned.

1. I learned I would be teaching a Mommy and Me class.  

Jen Marbles Scared Surprise face

Basically it’s a bunch of chinese babies that speak no english but go ape shit (haha) for the 5 Little Monkeys song.  Did I mention none of the moms know english?  Fun.


2. I learned there are only squat toilets in my center. 

Please no Crying

In case some people are confused what a squat toilet looks like:


Urine is everywhere.


3.  I learned some kids speak english better than me. 

michael scott stone face

I’m going to be teaching what’s called a G2 class and you can’t imagine how conversational they are at the age of 10 and under.  There is a five year old in the class that speaks in full sentences.  A FIVE YEAR OLD.


4.  You will 100% not believe what the other teachers told me.  My mouth dropped, I demanded to know if they were fucking with me.  


Mind blown gif

WHAT THE FUCK.  I’m fluctuating between giving them Atlanta-esque names like Ludacris or giving them pretty American names like Tessa.  Help.


Oh and I found an apartment.


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