I just got home from a 1 hour walk in the beijing rain. Here are the 7 rules I established while walking home.
1. You know that song, “Dancing in the Rain”?
Yeah, they haven’t been to beijing. It’s pollution rain. My ginger skins screams in agony every time I come in contact with the smog rain water.
2. Sandals are basically rain boots, right?
No, they aren’t. Thank goodness I wasn’t planning on keeping any of my toes.
3. Umbrella or be umbrellaed.
My first couple of days here when I used an umbrella, I would politely move it out of the way as other people walked by. I have learned this is not the beijing way. You aggressively use your umbrella. Either people walk out of the way, or they get the umbrella pointy things in their eye. Thank goodness Resting Bitch Face is international, so people recognize I’m not moving my umbrella.
4. You step where you know there is sure footing.
The first 15 minutes of walking, I saw a girl step in a “puddle” that ended up being a 3 foot deep hole. My god that was amusing. Not 10 feet away, I witnessed a girl bike into a “puddle” that was a couple feet deep and boy did she make an interesting noise.
5. There is no worse feeling than checking your phone and thinking you are going the wrong direction.
I almost cried, laid on the ground, and let china take over my soul. But, I was going the right direction and all was good with the communist world.
6. Plastic bags over heads are a safe way to stay dry.
I saw a women driving a moped with a plastic bag completely over her head, opening around her neck. Never have I wished for Google Glass more so I could to take an instant Snapchat photo. But let’s be real. The no air she was breathing was probably better than the beijing smog air.
7. And finally, there is an old Chinese proverb that says, “Every adventure is a good adventure. Unless you are walking in Beijing rain, then it just fucking sucks”.
Oh, and I’m going to KTV for the first time tomorrow.