9 Fears I have in China

Life in Beijing isn’t all fluffy pandas and $1.50 beers.  You have crazy fears that make it almost impossible to survive day to day.  Here are my 9 fears I have in China.

1.  Slipping on a squat toilet

cat slip toilet

Every time I have to pee on a squat toilet, I think that it’s finally the day that I slip and my ass lands straight in the toilet.  I PROMISE I’m not too proud of a person to make that announcement when it finally happens.

2.  Getting my hair cut

tangled long hair

While a lot of people have long hair here in China, I’m not exactly going for the religious long hair look.  I’m just slightly terrified to get my hair cut.  I’m worried I’m going to end up with the bowl cut all my boys wear because I can’t speak Chinese.  One day I’ll get it cut.  You know, one day.

3.  A kid sneezing in my face

kid boogers

I really mean any person sneezing in my face, but I get a lot closer to the kids than the average person in Beijing.  If it ever happens, I will finally realize the secondary fear of throwing up on a child (but surprisingly it won’t be from being hung over!)

4.  Falling onto a subway track

subway fall HOC

I sometimes have a very irrational feeling that someone is going to shove me onto a subway line.  When I have that thought, I can’t help but look around slightly panicky at the people around me.

5. A fatal tuk tuk wreck

sophia-grace-smooth

In case you don’t know what a tuk tuk is:

Transport, transportation

Basically danger on 3 wheels.  They often go the wrong direction of traffic and hook uturns in the middle of the road.  Some drivers like to laugh at our whimpers coming from the back seat.  But it’s a $3 ride in winter so we all have to make sacrifices to get home quickly!

6.  Having to use chop sticks in front of anyone important

chopstick fail

If Chris Hemsworth came to me and said, “I want to love you forever, but first let’s have some chinese food.  Here are your chop sticks.” I would probably cry.  SPOONS AND FORKS ARE SO MUCH EASIER!

7.  Anyone who asks me about touristy sites in Beijing

tumblr_inline_mrx0st8vZj1rnvwt1

I have seen exactly one touristy site in Beijing.  The Forbidden Palace.  I promise to do more things in the spring!  But I do have all the bar specials memorized!

8.  When I hit on a guy at a bar, I always worry his Chinese girlfriend is going to walk up

tumblr_m3bvpd1nPp1qe9eo3

9/10 she always does.  And I slink away awkwardly.

9.  Falling on an escalator

escalator fall

Oh wait, I have already done that.  Twice.  On the same elevator.  With a Chinese man staring at me.


In a couple days I’ll be heading to Shanghai and Thailand for warm air, lady boys, and beaches.  Prepare for the snapchats. If you want to add me on snapchat: meloleigh

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One thought on “9 Fears I have in China

  1. Oh my god number 1! Haha, they don’t have squat toilet in tourist areas in Vietnam but in the villages, they do! I remember this squat toilet out in the garden (separated from the main house) and there was a colony of mosquitoes there. Yep, get in, do your business while clapping away!

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